


interlude

by Slice_of_Apple



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Spoilers, Sweet, definitely doesn't follow story line, no real smut., plot may not make sense ;-), sad Jean, spoilers maybe through season 4 episode 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:55:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slice_of_Apple/pseuds/Slice_of_Apple
Summary: eren has trouble controlling his titan. jean helps out.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Comments: 12
Kudos: 221





	interlude

**Author's Note:**

> takes place in the interlude ;-) between third and fourth seasons of anime. i'm not actually sure of what happens in this time period, so it likely doesn't follow the story line
> 
> my apologies for typos, etc. for some reason i can't usually see them until it's posted.
> 
> wasn't sure if this was teen and up or M, but did M to be on the safe side, although it's not really smutty at all.
> 
> \-------------------------------------------------

It’s always the same. They get the word just before dawn. Another set of ships. Two, as usual. At first, the ships are acting a bit strange, almost as though they will stray off course, land somewhere else. But then it’s clear that they won’t. Jean has to shake his head a little at the thought. Don’t they ever learn anything, these stupid, destructive enemies? Always repeating the same bloody mistakes. Then he wonders at himself. It’s not a good idea to feel this way about an enemy’s stupidity: it’s almost akin to sympathy. And there can’t be any sympathy for these enemies. Jean knows, as does everyone here, that if even one of these ships gets through, it has the potential to restart the neverending nightmare that they came of age in. And they’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime. Several lifetimes over, in fact.

So he waits, shivering, on the wall with the rest of the squad, grateful that the ships are sailing stealthily into the harbor, to their doom

Closer… closer… almost ready to moor, when…

A crack of lightning accompanied by a loud boom, and Eren and Armin explode into the air. No matter how many times he’s seen it, it never fails to amaze and thrill Jean, the incredible power in the two titans, rising out of their small, frail, human bodies. Eren is a raging ball of destructive energy, and Armin is fierce, implacable, and no less destructive. In fact, Armin usually completes the bulk of the job with his transformation alone, leaving it to Eren to mop up the stray survivors.

The Scouts had tried at one point to take prisoners. What they need more than anything is information. But they found quickly that if they let anyone slip past, or tried to corral them, those people almost immediately turned into mindless titans. The ships are evidently staffed with battle fodder, the people inside destined to die, regardless of what happens in the harbor. 

Plus, there’s always the fear that hiding among them will be one of the Nine, or perhaps more than one. And they of course would have to be killed before they shifted. A full-on battle with the Armored, Beast or other titans must be avoided at all costs.

So their strategy is clear: utter destruction at the hands of the Attack and Colossal titans, with the Scouts in the wings waiting to kill anyone who manages to sneak past.

It’s the same today. From the wall, the screams are distant, and the bodies look almost like sticks. It’s easy to pretend that they’re not people being torn to bits. Instead, Jean can allow himself to be caught up in the incredible show of power Eren and Armin display. Right now, Eren is reaching out with a massive hand to grab what’s left of one of the battle cruisers, smashing it to bits as though it’s a flimsy child’s toy. 

Whatever else Jean has to say about Eren, he is an impressive sight as a titan. (As a person, too, if Jean _really_ stops to think about it – with that inexhaustible, almost maniacal fervor of his - but why would Jean spend any extra time thinking about _Eren_?)

They’ve made quick work of their enemies this time around. None of the intruders has survived as far as Jean can tell. He sighs, wishing he could head back to bed. It’s going to be a long day.

All they need is for Armin and Eren to get back to shore, transform, and they can start the tedious task of cleaning up whatever mess doesn’t disappear into the murky depths of the ocean.

It’s always the same.

But then, today, it isn't.

The ships are destroyed, and Armin has taken the several slow, ponderous steps back to the beach and collapsed into himself. Sasha, on Armin duty, has swung down and is in the process of cutting him carefully out. Eren, also, is facing the shore. But instead of smoothly following in Armin’s footsteps as per protocol, he gives a roar of rage.

As one, the scouts turn towards him. Eren never does this. He always follows Armin back to shore and falls to the ground. Mikasa cuts him out, and he and Armin get to sleep for hours while the rest of them are on garbage duty.

Not today, however. Today, the roar, echoing eerily in the quiet aftermath of the recent battle, is followed by another loud bellow to the sky.

The Scouts are light on manpower because they mostly aren’t needed here. Armin and Eren are always adequate for this job, and the bulk of their regiment has been dispatched elsewhere. In fact, only Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha, and their squad leader are veterans. The remaining few are all relatively new recruits, rotating through an educational stint at the beach before they can head back home.

So it’s only a handful of them up there, watching, horrified, as Eren stomps towards them, arms raised, tongue flailing in his mouth. 

Mikasa reacts first, of course. Before Jean can get a handle on what’s happening, she’s swinging towards Eren, calling out to him, “Eren! No!”

But Eren, like that early time, so long ago, swats at her.

It is so unexpected – Eren has not lost control as a titan in years – that she is caught off guard and is sent rocketing towards the ground, head-first, at an alarming speed. Jean is throwing out his hooks when he sees Connie, closer to her on the wall, already in the air, sweeping down. Jean exhales with relief when it becomes clear that Connie has managed to intercept her on her downward trajectory. While Jean can see that she is hanging limply, evidently out cold, she has hopefully been spared the death or serious head trauma she would have sustained if she had hit the ground.

Eren, meanwhile, is oblivious. He’s obviously caught in some paroxysm of anger, or outrage, or fear, or despair. His whole body is shaking with it.

The Scouts are more wary, now, with Mikasa – the invincible _Mikasa_ \- down. They form a cautious half-ring around Eren.

“Eren, calm down!” calls Sasha, and her voice, while loud, is gentle.

“It’s okay, Eren, you’re done for the day.” This from Connie, also kindly said.

None of this does any good. Eren continues to rant and rave at the sky, at the sea, at the scouts themselves. Like an enormous, inconsolable – and very bratty – toddler.

Jean sighs. Because to him it looks all too much like one of Eren’s familiar rants. Cut him down about 13 meters, and it’s just like when he was a cadet and furiously berating his classmates (or just as likely himself).

Eren has never had an inside voice, or any calibrator for his emotions. 

Jean wishes, however, (and very strongly), that he had worked whatever it was that was bothering him out while he was human Eren, and not waited until he was a literal towering inferno to express his feelings. He has a brief, flickering moment when he also wishes that Annie wasn’t frozen in crystal, because she would be the perfect antidote to this situation. One of her kicks would have ended this fucking tantrum in a matter of seconds. But, Annie, of course, traitor that she is, is not with them.

Jean quickly tears his mind away from grim, useless thoughts about Annie and focuses on what’s in front of him: an out-of-control war machine.

Why is Eren always such a fucking pain in the ass?

Well, Jean has had enough. He zooms off the wall and flies through the ring of Scouts. In his own burst of angry frustration, he hooks onto Eren’s broad arm and swings up onto his meaty shoulder amidst a clamor of voices.

“Kirstein!”

“No!”

“Stay back!”

“He’s dangerous!”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Jean ignores them.

Eren shrugs his shoulder in annoyance. Jean stumbles, only stopping a rapid downward tumble by grabbing wildly at Eren’s hair. It’s surprisingly soft. He finds himself wondering bizarrely if Eren’s human hair feels the same, now that he’s grown it out. Jean gives himself a quick shake. Why is he thinking about Eren’s _hair_ , for fuck’s sake?

One fist anchored solidly in the silken mass, Jean uses the other to punch Eren as hard as he can in the face. The blow doesn’t do Eren any visible damage, but it does seem to get his attention. His jaw snaps shut and his huge titan brow furrows almost comically. He turns his gaze away from the line of Scouts, now closing in threateningly on him, and tries to get a glimpse of that pesky thing under his nose.

An enormous hand rises and swipes at Eren’s face, and Jean has to scurry under the large, pointed chin. He hopes none of the other Scouts can see him there, practically shaking in his boots.

Securing his hold as best he can in Eren’s thick skin, Jean waits until the hand is gone and then carefully climbs back up around. He positions himself in front of Eren’s spiky ear and screams, “Cut it out, Jaeger!”

Eren freezes. Jean can feel the huge facial muscles tense. Hmm. That did something, at least.

“You idiot! Stop acting like such a baby!”

Eren’s head jerks up and back, as though he is both surprised and affronted by this comment.

“No one’s got the time or energy for one of your tantrums!”

There is a long, low, sound, and if Jean didn’t know any better, he would think it was Eren saying, “Huh?” – as though he didn’t quite believe what he was hearing.

“You think it’s okay to terrorize us with your useless rages? Well, think again. It’s not!” snaps Jean. He slams his fist against Eren’s neck for good measure and is pleased to see the muscle twitch in response.

“Sit down on the beach, you abominable fool, so we can cut you out and get on with our work!”

There is a pause. Jean’s not sure which way it’s going to go. He can literally feel the wheels turning in titan-Eren’s thick, lumbering brain.

And then - Eren takes one large step closer to the wall.

“Yeah, that’s right, you stupid, overgrown moron,” Jean says encouragingly. Once Eren reaches the wall, he adds, “Now sit down.”

The atmosphere around Jean takes on a slightly petulant air. Somehow, Jean actually understands what this means.

“Who cares if it’s sandy? Get your butt on the ground!”

A sound which is probably only a faint whine but which nonetheless rattles Jean’s bones emerges from Eren’s throat.

“Goddammit, Jaeger! If you don’t sit down on this ground right now, I’m going to cut you out of the titan way up here, and then who knows if either one of us will survive the fall?”

For emphasis, he bends over sideways and kicks as hard as he can, right into the soft spot under Eren’s jaw.

There is a ripple in the air, and it’s weird, but now Jean is fairly confident he can read titan-Eren’s mood. Eren is evidently _reassured_ by Jean’s familiar griping, and maybe even the familiar feel of Jeans heel on his flesh.

Jean is infinitely relieved when Eren plops onto the ground. He leans against the wall in the usual way, his giant head bent submissively forward.

Jean immediately gets to work. He doesn’t often cut Eren out, and he has a moment of panic when he thinks he might have sliced through Eren’s brain. But soon enough he is relieved to see the recognizable head of brown hair.

He mutters reassuringly the whole time he’s working. “You nincompoop, what were you thinking, stomping around like that, yelling at the sky? As if the sky gives a rat’s ass about whatever shit is going on with you.”

But when it comes time to actually pull Eren out, he does it as smoothly as he can, heaving Eren’s limp body gently onto his shoulder before swinging up and out. 

Even though Eren is a heavy, dead weight, Jean finds himself bizarrely wanting to keep him clamped onto his shoulder. He’s even almost glad (although of course he hopes she recovers promptly) that Mikasa isn’t there to take Eren from him – that he gets to keep Eren close by for a few minutes longer.

Eren is as horrified as everyone else by what he did to Mikasa, who luckily has no lasting damage to show for it. He has no idea what prompted it.

Jean does have some idea. He thinks it probably has to do with the fact that Eren is now tasked with bludgeoning innocent Eldians to death. Not only that, he's also trapped in that role, and this geographic location, for the foreseeable future. Everyone knows of Eren’s unquenchable thirst for freedom. Jean keeps quiet, though. He doesn’t think anyone, particularly Eren, is in the mood to discuss this at any length with him, especially since talking about it won't change anything.

Regardless, Hange is called in and immediately sets about running experiments. Several tense practice sessions ensue, wherein Eren transforms under controlled conditions, and… nothing. It’s the same as always: he transforms, performs the tasks they’ve planned for him, and sits down obediently at the end, waiting to be cut out.

They all say that it must have been a fluke, a random bad day – an unfortunate misalignment of the sun, moon, stars, and Eren’s psyche. It’s not going to happen again.

And everything goes back to normal – if this existence could possibly be considered normal.

Until it happens again.

It’s almost an exact repeat of the earlier time. After the ship (only one this time), is wiped out, and Armin had been cut out by Mikasa, Eren lifts his head to the sky and flipping howls.

_Not again_ , sighs Jean. But he’s quicker, this time, to leap up onto Eren’s shoulder. 

“These uncontrolled outbursts are getting old awfully fast, Jaeger.”

It’s startling how quickly, at the sound of Jean’s voice, the tilt of titan-Eren’s head goes from angry-angry-angry to carefully attentive.

Jean can’t help feeling a somewhat heady swell of power at the realization. Until he remembers who it is under this hulking body. Just ridiculous, obnoxious Eren.

Perhaps as a result he is a little careless as he sinks his blade into the nape of titan-Eren’s neck.

But he _does_ feel guilty when Eren has to spend the next 24 hours re-growing the arm Jean inadvertently cut off in the process of liberating him.

Eren hunts Jean down as soon as he leaves the infirmary.

“I can hear you, when you talk to me. When I’m a titan. It kind of – wakes me up, reminds me of who I am. I also remember what you say afterwards.”

Jean freezes. Shit. Now Eren’s going to get all pissy and punch him. He looks warily at Eren, ready to settle into a defensive crouch. He isn’t in the mood for a black eye, split lip, or damaged shoulder today.

But Eren doesn’t. Instead, he keeps speaking.

“You’re…” he pauses, and Jean stares at him, surprised. Eren sounds so unprecedentedly _thoughtful._ “You’re the only one who doesn’t treat me like a hero, or a weapon, or – or like Mikasa, like something soft and weak that needs to be coddled.”

He looks up, right into Jean’s face. And he’s not angry, or upset. He’s just… telling the truth.

Jean doesn’t know what to say in response, so he doesn’t say anything.

“Thank you,” Eren continues. He puts a hand on Jean’s shoulder, and for once it’s not a hand raised in anger. It feels warm and solid and reassuring as it rests there for a brief minute.

That seems to be all Eren has to say. Jean watches him leave, his mouth open in surprise.

When the hell did Eren get so perceptive? When the hell did Eren _grow up_?

The next time the enemies arrive – two ships this time– even though Jean is optimally positioned to swing up onto Eren’s shoulder, he almost doesn’t make it in time. The transition between focused Eren, and out-of-control-Eren is too rapid. He does make it, though, and several punches and then hard kicks finally capture Eren’s attention. 

So the time after that, Jean is ordered to stay with Eren from the moment he transforms. In fact, Jean ends up perched on Eren's shoulder for the duration of the skirmish. It’s both a frightening and strangely boring experience, perhaps akin to babysitting a demon child in the middle of Hell. 

Hours later, when Jean makes it back to their makeshift compound, dead tired from all the cleanup, Armin taps him on his shoulder.

“Eren wants to see you.”

Jean is about to say, “I’ve been summoned by His Majesty?” with suitably raised eyebrows, when Armin adds, “He specifically asked me to word it as, ‘Do you mind coming by when you’re free?’ “

The words stop Jean’s sarcastic rejoinder in its tracks. Armin can obviously tell, because he’s trying and failing to hide a grin.

“Okay.” But the request makes Jean unaccountably nervous, and he gets cleaned up and changed very slowly. Afterwards, he takes all the time in the world to make his way over to the tent that is Eren’s titan recovery room.

As he had hoped, by the time he slides his way in, Eren is fast asleep. The lamp is still on, casting a soft glow over the space. He is bent over on his side, his hair failing across his face in a brown curtain, only his nose and chin poking out. He is breathing deeply and evenly. He looks so peaceful, and also young, and surprisingly small, curled up like that. Defenseless. It’s hard to believe that mere hours earlier he was the literal embodiment of homicidal mania.

Jean puts out a hand. Even without touching him, Jean can feel the unnatural heat rising off Eren’s skin. His hand hovers, as though about to smooth Eren’s hair of its own volition, but, at the last second, it withdraws without making contact.

It’s weird, to be here alone with a sleeping Eren. The physical intimacy, coupled with Eren’s obvious vulnerability, prompts something unexpected in Jean. He gives voice to the words that have been hovering in the back of his mind ever since that first day Eren lost control of the titan.

“Eren,” he says, in a tone he would never use on a conscious Eren. “I know you hate being stuck here, mindlessly killing all these people. I’m sorry that it’s you who has to do it. Although, if anyone can handle it, you can. Far better than I could, at any rate. You’re pretty amazing, really, you know that?”

It feels good to get it out, even if Eren can’t hear it. Especially if Eren can’t hear it.

He hesitates, and then, he’s not sure why, but he leans over and lightly kisses the top of Eren’s head. He immediately rears up, shocked. What the fuck was _that_ about?

Luckily, Eren doesn't awaken, only shifts slightly and mumbles something unintelligible in his sleep. A relieved Jean carefully blows out the lamp before leaving.

Three months later, and another ship is trying to sneak into their harbor. Jean is back up on Eren’s shoulder, babysitting and feeling like a useless bystander.

But then it turns out to be Jean who spots the strange thing shooting out of the destroyed battle cruiser. It is Jean who realizes that it’s not just debris from the wreck. And it is Jean who directs Eren to grab it. Unfortunately, Eren also crushes it, but not beyond recognition: it is clearly some sort of ship that can move wholly underwater, and that would have, if left unnoticed, deposited the enemy on their shores.

Jean is always the one who cuts Eren out these days, and he’s become good at it, much better at finding Erens body in the mass of pinkish muscle. This time, when Eren emerges from the titan, he’s semi-conscious. When he looks up at Jean, half-dazed, he says, “We make a good team, Kirstein,” before passing out in Jean’s arms.

\--------------

They’re planning the trip across the water. It’s clear they have to go. The enemy keeps sending battle cruisers, and at some point they’re going to send something worse. Maybe something Eren and Armin won’t be able to stop.

Perhaps more importantly, the engineers have finally constructed a vessel that appears to be seaworthy.

Jean is fidgeting in his seat. The meeting has dragged on longer and longer, Jean becoming more and more frustrated. The entire operation is predicated on information from Dr. Jaeger’s notebook, something that is decades old, and likely wholly outdated. Jean had always thought their leaders knew what they were doing. Well, at least Commander Erwin. But this is like the blind leading the blind, with the very blindest, a certain Eren Jaeger, at the forefront, leading the charge.

“I can’t possibly be understanding this correctly,” Jean finally bursts out, unable to curb his irritation for a second longer. “Eren will infiltrate a city on which we have almost no reliable information, on his own, without any backup, for months on end, and we’ll have no sure way of communicating with him?”  
He looks over at Eren. His green eyes are fiery, and he is obviously hellbent on going forward with the plan. Apparently, for Eren, this is living the dream.

Jean doesn’t understand why the sight makes him so angry.

“And no one else sees any flaws in this brilliant proposal?” he adds sarcastically, for good measure.

“What the hell was that about, Kirstein?” Eren asks later that evening, as pissed as always. 

“Shut up, Jaeger. Even an idiot like you should be able to see that you can’t fight this war on your own. Especially if you’re dead.”

“I’ll be dead soon enough anyway, what does it matter if I die a few years earlier than expected? If I can deal them enough of a crippling blow to end this thing, it will be worth it. As long as those assholes don’t get the titans that are in me. I’ll make sure I hang on long enough so Armin can eat me, or, better yet, someone else. One of the priorities will be for me to get my hands on some titan serum, of course.”

“Shut up!” cries Jean, his face white. What bothers him the most is that Eren isn’t trying to be dramatic. He, too, is apparently one of those people who sees himself as a weapon. A disposable one at that.

“Shut the fuck up!” he repeats, even though Eren has stopped talking.

“What’s wrong?” Eren asks. Surprisingly, he doesn’t sound angry, merely curious. “Why are you so upset? You don’t have to go on this mission. You know that, right?”

_That’s it._ If Eren thinks Jean is upset because he’s afraid, because he’s worried about his own safety…

“Why do you always assume I’m such a fucking coward?” Jean roars, slamming his fist into Eren, out of habit more than anything else. It hits home, and Eren falls backwards against the wall, stunned.

But he’s up on his feet a moment later, and Eren has never been one to back down from a challenge. Soon, just like when they were cadets, they’re rolling around on the ground, pummeling whatever unprotected flesh they can reach.

And it hurts, but it feels good, too, to have it out with Eren in this wholly familiar way. Until Eren lands a particularly hard punch, one that jars Jean to his core. He rolls over to the side and gets to his knees, choking and coughing.

For some reason, instead of pressing home his victory, Eren falls back.

When he can finally speak again, Jean mutters, “I don’t want you to go on this fool’s errand.”

“Why not?” Again, Eren’s voice is genuinely curious.

Jean has a flash of painful and unwanted clarity: _Because I can’t stand the thought of you dying? Because I love you? Because it’s going to tear me to pieces when you’re gone?_

Of course he doesn’t say this. _He’s_ not an idiot. He just stares up at Eren, his eyes wide, trying desperately to come to terms with the newfound and unpleasant reality he finds himself in.

Eren frowns.

And it is this view, of Eren’s frowning face, pensive, _concerned_ even, that does Jean in.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he tastes the salt in his mouth.

“Why don't you want me to go?” Eren asks again, calmly.

Jean closes his mouth as tightly as he can. He knows that if he opens it, he’s going to end up blurting it all out in a horrible, blubbery mess, and he simply cannot allow that to happen.

He rubs his heels into his eyes and hunches into himself. A few gasping breaths and he thinks he has it under control.

Eren has moved in next to Jean, and his voice is soft as he asks, “Jean?”

His hands are also soft as they pull Jean’s away from his face.

The kiss is a soft kiss, too, hardly any pressure at all. It feels like Jean imagines a butterfly’s wings might feel.

But – what the fuck? What is Eren doing? This soft gentleness? This ridiculous tenderness?

Jean pushes him wildly off.

“What the hell, Jaeger?” he gasps out frantically. “Was that – was that some kind of _pity_ kiss?”

He scuttles away as Eren, caught completely off balance, falls heavily onto his side. 

“What? No! It wasn’t a – a pity kiss, you asshole! What does that even mean? Who would kiss someone out of – out of _pity?_ ”

“I don’t know,” mutters Jean. “How the hell would I know what goes on in that crazy brain of yours?” A pause. “What was it then?” he asks slowly.

Eren stares at him like he’s an utter fool.

“It was a kiss because I wanted to kiss you.”

“Oh,” says Jean, his face red.

“And I'm sorry that I upset you,” Eren adds.

_Oh_. Jean can’t help his stomach dropping. “ _See?_ It _was_ a pity kiss.” His tone is damning.

“It wasn’t a pity kiss,” Eren protests angrily.

Jean arches a skeptical eyebrow.

“It wasn’t a pity kiss just like this isn’t a pity kiss,” growls Eren, launching himself at Jean.

This kiss is much rougher, slamming into Jean. It stuns and overwhelms him

When Eren murmurs again, into Jean’s mouth, “Why don't you want me to go, Jean?”, Jean can’t help blurting out, “I don’t – “

At this, Eren pulls back, his hands cradling Jean’s face, his eyes trained on Jean’s. “You don’t what?” 

“I don’t want you to die.” 

Eren lets go and falls back into a sitting position.

Ah, fuck. Now Jean’s ruined it. Not only has he totally exposed himself, he’s put an end to the kissing, which was so amazing, better than he could possibly have imagined.

But then Eren reaches out and grabs Jean’s shoulders, pulling Jean into his lap. It’s a ridiculous move because Jean is bigger than Eren. But Eren doesn’t seem to care.

“It’s okay,” he says, although Jean has no idea what that even means, because of course it’s not okay. None of it is okay. Not Eren running off to be the lone hero, not the whole, stupid, poorly planned mission, not Eren’s likely death, or his own, for that matter.

“I don’t – I don’t want you to leave me,” Jean says feebly into Eren’s shoulder. _What the fuck?_ Who is this pitiful asshole and what has he done with Jean?

“It’s okay,” Eren repeats, gently rocking Jean, like _Jean_ is the inconsolable toddler now.

Jean tries to shut his mouth, but apparently something horribly pathetic inside him isn’t done yet. 

“I love you, Eren,” he whispers into Eren’s ear. _Holy shit_!

“I know,” Eren says equably. “I love you too.” He says it like it’s no big deal, like he’s talking about the weather, or what he had for breakfast.

This time, when Eren tips Jean’s head around to kiss him, Jean kisses back. And then… then, Eren’s hands are winding their way through Jean’s hair, and… and… it’s like all the feelings Jean’s been keeping pent up inside explode out of him, and he’s kissing Eren back for all he’s worth, like he wants to devour him. 

They end up back in Eren’s titan recovery tent, the only place they can get even a semblance of privacy in this windswept wasteland.

Jean thought he knew Eren’s body pretty well by now, from all the times he’s cut it out, limp, from the titan, from all the times he’s fought it. But this – this is a different body. It’s softer, but most definitely not limp, and moving with all of Eren’s crackling energy.

The sex is fumbling and awkward because it’s their first time together, and it’s Jean’s first time altogether, and he suspects Eren’s too. Surprisingly (to himself), Jean doesn’t care, nor is he embarrassed. Not when he gets to touch Eren in this way. Not when he gets to kiss Eren in this way. Not when he gets to see Eren’s face as he comes with a gasp from Jean’s clumsy grip. Not when he gets to stay afterwards, squeezed up against Eren’s warm, naked body.

When Eren falls asleep, as usual curled up on his side, his hair blanketing his face, Jean leans in to kiss his shoulder, to brush Eren's skin with trembling fingers. He tries to imprint the sight and feel on his mind. Only two more weeks until they leave. Two more weeks until who knows what the hell is going to happen.

\------------------

Eren, perhaps for once accepting a privilege for being the linchpin of the entire operation, is given one of the few private berths on the ship. It’s a tiny closet, packed to the hilt with cargo, but there is a bed squeezed into it, and, most importantly, there is a door that locks.

They are both greedy for the times when they have each other to touch, to hold. Jean can put off all thoughts of the future when Eren’s body is sliding over his, when Eren’s hair is falling softly into his face, when they couldn't possibly be any closer to one other.

The ship has its own cadence, and Jean and Eren fall into their own rhythm within it. As soon as his duties are completed for the day, Jean always makes his way to the bow. Even though he knows they’re heading into uncertainty, danger, and in all likelihood pain and death, he can’t help but be exhilarated by the wind whipping through his hair and the endless expanse of green sea ahead. He clings to the illusory feeling of infinite possibility that accompanies the sight of it.

Eren always finds him there. Even though he’s expecting it, Jean can’t suppress the sharp bite of excitement every time Eren’s hands slide around his waist; every time Eren’s body presses into his; every time Eren kisses the back of his neck. 

This excitement is always accompanied by the bitter thought that maybe this will be the last time he will hold Eren, the last time he will taste him.

He brushes the thought away as he turns around to face Eren, to melt into his embrace. Because they do have this moment.

Right now.

Together.

Before they’re gone forever.


End file.
